Bringin' Home the Bacon (that looks a lot like fish)

Tourists...sheesh

They clog up our roads with their motorhomes, they fill up our favorite restaurants, and they walk around pompously mispronouncing names like See-word, Talinnjit, and Cunnai Fa-jorrds.

Nevermind the billions of dollars they give our state...

There is, however, a rumored oasis of Alaskan activity that is beyond the reaches of those Cheechakos...and five brave souls journeyed to find it.

This is their story.


Dipnetting, which is only open to Alaskan residents, is where you take a long pole (aluminum, steel, wood, crutches, etc.) and attach it to a huge hoop that is at least 4-5 feet in diameter. Inside this hoop is gill netting which entangles any fish that touches it. So once you have this device, you walk about 20 feet into the mouth of the Kenai River and just hold the net out in front of you. Usually you where chest-waiters but it's not required (just talk to the loud Samoan group next to us wading to their necks in nothing but shorts and a Michael Vick jersey).

Kyle, Natalie, Liz, Laura, and I drove down to Kenai on Friday night. When we hit the beach, the first words out of Liz' mouth were "Eww...that's gross". It was a lone dead fish, near the parking lot, dry, dirty with eyes long pecked out by the gulls overhead. Hold that thought.

Fast foward 13 hours later.

Liz pulled our 43rd Red Sockeye Salmon out of the river, beat the salmon senseless with an aluminum pipe, snatched the fillet knife, and plunged it deep behind the gill. She flipped the fish over, repeating the process until she picked up the head and flippantly chucked it behind her. She then turned the fish onto it's back, made a nice methodical swipe down the belly and grabbed the guts, flinging them somewhere near the head. She grabbed the fish by the tail, walked down to the beach, washed out the rest of the entrails, threw it in the cooler, and turned around just in time for the 44th fish.

It's hard to live in Alaska and not eventually become an Alaskan.

By the days end, we hauled in some 61 Alaskan sockeye salmon. After we drove home, filleted and vacuum packed the fish, we had been working for 21 straight hours. And now we have a freezer full of meals to get sick of.

Take THAT tourists.